Today was senior breakfast and senior showcase. In all honesty, it was completely depressing and miserable (partly because I was either fighting tears or actually crying, the entire time, by myself for most of the day, since Ellyn ditched showcase. But it was good. It was both miserable and good.

Mr. Harrison talked about me. I have no clue what he said though (except "how many times have I mixed up your papers" and "the first two years were tough"), because all I could think about at the time was "oh my god I am crying in front of everyone and I am making a fool of myself." Because it's not like I was silent crying. No, I was a blubbering idiot.

Ugh. Yeah. It was good. Thinking about it again already is making me feel emotional. But I felt I should write about it in here while it's still fresh.

And while everyone's Facebook statuses are about it:

- Kate is still crying. Here's to SOTA!
- Jessica is byeeeee seniors I'll miss you :)) most of you should come back to visit!
- Molly thinks people should go to the SOTA prom after party at the mandolin cafe.
- Shaylee is is done with high school. Like....for good. done. Holy crap...

etcetera...

My god, today was so hard. I got out of showcase and I started panicking because my face was all contorted and my eyes were glassy because I was trying so incredibly hard not to cry. Because Taylor had started crying during her and Sofie's song. Which set me off. But yeah. I started panicking because I didn't want to cry in front of people without any friends around. I booked it to the bus stop because I knew that if I stayed any longer I'd start bawling my eyes out.

So I told myself I could cry when I got home. So I did. But it didn't make me feel any better. I felt completely isolated and alone and MISERABLE.

So I turned on the Sims 2 and played that for 5 hours. Which helped, I think. Except now I have to come back to reality.

I think I am going to email all my teachers a thank you, I think they'd appreciate it.

Good Lord, I hated school, especially this year, I didn't really think I'd be sad at all to be leaving. But I am. I really am.

It's so weird knowing that I will never go to another class at SOTA.

It's even weirder thinking about how I am pretty much through with high school. It is so BIZARRE. I was in high school for 5 years. Since I was 14 in 2003. Kind of a long time ago now. That's how old this online diary thing is.

Wow. I should post this in a Facebook note.

Graduation on Monday. Then after that it really will be over. I am so going to cry again then.