Wednesday, Aug. 24, 2011, 15:32
Aaaahhh I cannot take much more of this shit (AKA mom's silent treatment unless she wants to nag me about something.)
I went to my art class this morning. I am actually starting to like that class, even though I feel incredibly incompetent in it. I really like being around "artsy" people. As weird as that sounds because I hated "artsy" people in high school, I was so sick of them.
So I sent my mom a text saying "I really like the class" and then she replied, "Did you ever talk to an advisor or professor about getting into another communication class?"
I could not help but read that in an incredibly accusatory tone. Especially since our only communication since she dropped me off last week as been her nagging me about stuff. Making me feel like a total loser.
I'm SORRY but I cannot deal with this right now.
For your information mom no I did not speak with a professor or an advisor. I am too fucking shy. I know that is absolutely horrible. Yadda yadda yadda and I will never get anywhere in life being like that because people who are afraid of talking to people won't get jobs, etc. I get that. But for some strange reason those thoughts don't actually translate in my mind into action.
I just can't. Shit I actually feel like crying right now, I have tears in my eyes thinking about how much I wish I weren't so shy. It SUCKS.
And on top of all of that I am still not really talking to my friends... I haven't seen them since Friday. (Actually I think I just saw Andrew when I was coming up from Southside but I don't know if he saw me... if he did, he didn't acknowledge me, but I didn't acknowledge him either.... very awkward.)
Natalie did send me an invite to their trip to the dunes on Saturday but I have not yet RSVP'd. I don't know if I want to go. Actually, I do know that I don't want to go, but I have not yet decided whether I will anyway or not. If something else comes up then I will do the other thing. If I have nothing else to do, then maybe. Even though it doesn't sound like much fun to me. Whatever.
Anyway. So I don't know what to do about the mom situation. I HATE it when mom is mad at me. But I guess I'll just have to deal with it because it's not like I'll be doing anything that will make her happy any time soon.
This school year is not starting off well.