Oh my god. omg omg omg omg omg

I can't fucking make two stupid phone calls. I can't. I CAN'T. This phone phobia is seriously getting annoying and frustrating trying to deal with. I am so scared of calling people. And it is not getting any better. Yes, there are times when I have successful phone interactions but it doesn't seem to have any difference on my anxiety levels the next time I have to make a phone call.

Mom has said in the past she understands and can relate but either she's lying or her case was/is not nearly as bad as mine.

I seriously cannot make myself pick up the stupid phone.

Thinking about it makes me extremely stressed out.

When I talk on the phone my mouth goes dry, my voice shakes, my heart pounds, my hands get sweaty, I feel like crying (sometimes I do cry) and I'm so nervous that I end up not even hearing what the other person is saying. A lot of the time when the phone exchange is over I can't remember half of what was discussed.

I'm actually considering asking my mom if maybe I should see a therapist for this because obviously it's going to become a bigger problem in the future. I've seriously been this way my entire life. I don't know how to change it, and her yelling at me just makes the already unpleasant experience even more horrible.

I can't stand it.

I hate phone calls even more than spiders. Which is saying something because spiders creep me the fuck out.

If I could change something about myself, this would definitely be something I would change.