Why am I once again involved with the board? I told myself 2 years ago that phase of my life was over.

And yet, here I am, posting messages on the newest incarnation of the board...sparingly albeit, but still.

Am I just setting myself up for disappointment all over again? Am I setting myself up to get hurt?

Because they are still the same as always. Being away from it for 2 years re-sensitised me to the attitudes and topics discussed.

Granted, I did thoroughly enjoy posing as a Greek spammer yesterday. But 15 minutes ago I ruined it by telling Isaiah, after swearing to myself I would tell no one. But I told him, and now I am filled with a feeling of regret.

Because I think, that even though I made him swear to secrecy, he will tell Stephanie. I can't say if she'd pass it on again or not, but that feeling of not quite trusting him...

I'll just have to wait and see what happens. In the meantime, I'll just lie low and do what I'm best at - lurking. Reading without saying a word. Practicing the mastery of not giving in to impulses to say things I might regret later.

Oh dear. This is not supposed to be so complicated.

In other news...

I went and visited grandma today. I caught the 11 at about 11:30 and visited mom in her classroom during lunch and 6th (?) period. Then I caught the 51 and went to grandma's. We played a game of Scrabble (I won by 1 point even though I was trying to let her win), and then we went and saw some birds that were a floor down in a nice room with big windows and couches and tables.

We then went downstairs to the lobby area and she introduced me to a friend she'd met. We chatted for a bit there, and then her friend invited us to go with her to her room to see her dog, a Lhasa Apso named George.

We stayed there for about 15 minutes, then went back up to grandma's room. 45 minutes later my mom and Erica came, and chatted for a bit.

I got home at 5.

It was good though. It felt good getting out of the house. I really do hate sitting at home all day, no matter how much I may tell myself I like it.

Alright, well...

I think it's bedtime. The day hasn't ended on as high of a note as I'd have liked, but perhaps tomorrow will be better.

At this point I don't see how, but maybe my perspective will change.