SIGH.

Apparently Patty called mom, concerned because I've been kind of, what they would call neglecting Marvin. Because I haven't been going out very often. And she's wondering if I was really ready to handle the responsibility of having a horse.

I know the responsibilities. That wasn't the issue...

I have no people skills. And I feel incredibly weird with the concept of expecting a ride out there. It's like.....ughhh so uncomfortable. It's like...I don't want to get in the habit of expecting favors all the time. And I guess she took that the wrong way. Totally my fault...

Also, I feel so....not good enough for him. I constantly have anxieties before going out there because when he'd start bucking on the lunge line...even though it was good for teaching me, I wasn't used to it and then the notion that I would be riding him soon made me so stressed out. Does that make sense??????

Now I have to call her sometime tonight, something I am dreading, because now it will be really awkward. I hate awkwardness. But I should be used to it, since I get myself in awkward positions all the time.

Damn it, me.

And now mom just came in and I switched to another window on IMDB so she couldn't read what I'm writing and then she told me that the internet was a waste of time, that I was happier on a schedule and being busy and doing something.

Well yes, but haven't you always said that I love computers? Don't you know that I like them?

Agh. I don't know.

God help.

I am downright depressed.

And not just because of this situation. School plays a part as well.