Zach, Ben, Ben and Carl are standing in a group on the other side of the fence. It's a few days before the last day of school.

"Lauren signed my yearbook," one of them said.

"Lauren insert my last name here?"

"Yes."

Sniggers.

They don't notice me on the other side.

It's October 2003. I'm at the back of the bus. A brat named Jessica comes on the bus.

"Freshmen shouldn't be at the back of the bus. You guys should move."

"Yeah," says someone else.

"I don't normally push things like this but this time I am," she added.

Scenario one: Looking at it a few years later, I've had time to think about it, and I've come up with so many answers as to what I could have done, instead of pretend like I didn't hear them.

I walk up to them as they're laughing about my loser-ishness. "You know what?" I say.

They stop laughing and act like they weren't laughing about me at all.

"Shut the HELL up, you fucking bastards."

I then made a fist and found myself punching one of them in the face.

The others pull me off him and stare at me dumbfounded, not really being able to believe that stupid, boring, slobby, quiet girl would have the guts or the will to try and beat up one of the guys.

Uhhh yeah I know that's stupid but SHUT UP.

I bet no one ever dared to talk like that to her. If only I'd actually said that. But noooo, back then I was too quiet and cautious to do that. I don't know if I'd ever said a swear word in my life at that point.

Hah. I remember Mr. Bond (FUCKING BRAINWASHED ARROGANT, IGNORANT BASTARD) warning me about flunking some classes.

"You wouldn't want to go to public school for summer school would you?"

He said public school like it was the scum of the earth, a hell hole where only satanists would dare to go.

I found it funny later that I was in school at a place where the worst of the public school kids went - and I didn't even really mind it. The other kids there were actually nice. Not that anyone at Covenant would notice. Blinded by something that wasn't part of their belief system and being scared by all the rumors of juvy, let alone public school, they would try and sheild out everything.

They don't seem to realize that it's those kinds of experiences where you learn and are able to help other people. If you just shut yourself in with other people you know, then how are you going to help. In other words, to put it bluntly, how are evangelical Christians going to be successful if they just stay with other Christians and don't know what the "secular" world is like? You have to know where other people are coming from. If you want people to know where you're coming from, you have to know where they're coming from.

Does that make any sense?

called in sick to work today and stayed in bed 'till noon
And now I just don't care what's going on outside my room
Things aren't getting better
My future's not too bright
Fuck the world I'm hanging out with you tonight

Me and you will walk around so pointlessly
Smashing things, jacked up on way too much caffeine
I'm really going nowhere
I hate this shitty life
Fuck the world I'm hanging out with you tonight

The Queers
Fuck This World

shut the hell up you fucking little shit
shut the hell up i don't wanna hear it
shut the hell up get the fuck out of my way
shut the hell up you fucking little turd
shut the hell up i don't wanna hear a word
shut the hell up get the fuck out of my way
get the fuck out of my way
get the fuck out of my way
get the fuck out of my way
get the fuck out of my way

Screeching Weasel
Shut The Hell Up

I am SOOOOO going to Buzzard's tomorrow and buying some Queers stuff. Maybe some Punk Rock Confidential stuff.